Nana and her better half have had the following conversation on several occasions in the past year.
Me "This has been a really hard year"!
Him " Yes but we have been very blessed"
Me "I know we have been blessed, but still, its been a very hard year!"
Then he looks at me with this frustrated look, as if I should just move on from the really stressful memories and pain, and just focus on how blessed we have been. Fiddlesticks. Women don't just let go of anxiety and trauma that easily. We need to feel validated that our trials have been difficult, and even though we have triumphed through them, a little older and wiser, it's nice to have someone say,
" You are right! It has been a difficult year, but I'm proud of how you have handled all the challenges.
Most women are not married to psychotherapists, they are married to mechanical engineers, math teachers, firemen, lawyers, and other analytical thinking men. Maybe men are afraid that if they validate feelings, the floodgates will open wide, with an outpouring of inexplicable issues that simply befuddle the male psyche.
But really guys (not that any guys read this blog) would it be that hard to simply look at her with your full attention, say "yes- you are right", and then follow that up a sincere compliment about the job she is doing ?
Validate feelings, compliment, then share your feelings. So simple!
