You are at the checkout line exhausted, anxious to get home, and of course there is a conspiracy among most retailers to strategically place the most eye catching things for a toddler right where you have to stand and wait in the checkout line. You have already filled your cart and don't want to spend any more on things that are not necessary, like the candy ring pop or the finger puppets that bark. But then the screaming starts. You and your child would be better off if you were to remember a few of the basics about common sense parenting. If you decide to by the pretty balloon or the hand puppet or the
eye-catching candy, just remember that you set a precedent, and every
time you reward a tantrum, that cause and effect behavior might become an every shopping day experience.
So what do you do? Here are s few things to keep in mind.
1- Your first concern and loyalty should be to your child - and not to all the other adults who are within earshot. Stop thinking that they are annoyed, and are expecting you to turn off some imaginary switch on the side of your kid's head! A most distressing scene is when the behavior of a parent becomes so much worse than the child's, with verbal or physical abuse. So stay calm. and then mentally move on to the next step.
2- In the bigger picture, children's need are fairly simple, and they are more likely to fall apart when these needs are not met. They need food, love, nurturing, sleep, clean diapers, clothing, a clean healthy environment, & good health. Also, opportunities to expand their knowledge and skills, and positive validation as they progress in their development. Older toddlers also need to begin learning about how to make choices and the associated consequences. ( But that topic will be explored in another article.)
3- So as your child is bawling think about the list just mentioned and mentally do an accounting of how your schedule for the last several hours has interfaced with their needs. Are they tired, hungry, teething, sitting in a wet diaper, did they somehow get their finger pinched and are they in pain? Get down on their level, look at them, talk to them calmly and see what it is they are trying to clue you in on. Can you imagine what it would be like if you could only communicate by crying, laughing, pointing or shaking your head? Give them a kiss and pull out something from your *diaper bag for them to chew on, or distract them. Put your hand on their forehead; do they feel feverish, Look in their eyes, smile at them and whisper in their ear that you love them. That might not solve a thing and they might not stop crying, and if not, continue to stay calm and loving and go on to the next step.
4- If you have totally spaced off the fact that they missed their nap time, and their lunch, and they are wearing the same diaper they had on 4 hours ago....well mama, Get them home as soon as you can and take care of them. Their needs should come before getting all the craft supplies for scrap-booking night or whatever else you are doing. They depend on you for everything, they are resilient, but you can only push things so far. We all have our breaking point but happy is the child who has parents that never forget the stewardship given them when this precious child was first placed in their arms.
*PS. Your diaper bag is your life line: If you plan on being gone for more than 1 hour - have it packed with diapers, wipes, a few toys, teething ring, clean change of clothes, snacks, a ziplock bag for blowouts, soiled clothing etc... leak proof sippy of water, or juice boxes. This one below is stylish and practical.
Big enough to hold phone and wallet also!
