Nana and her better half have had the following conversation on several occasions in the past year.
Me "This has been a really hard year"!
Him " Yes but we have been very blessed"
Me "I know we have been blessed, but still, its been a very hard year!"
Then he looks at me with this frustrated look, as if I should just move on from the really stressful memories and pain, and just focus on how blessed we have been. Fiddlesticks. Women don't just let go of anxiety and trauma that easily. We need to feel validated that our trials have been difficult, and even though we have triumphed through them, a little older and wiser, it's nice to have someone say,
" You are right! It has been a difficult year, but I'm proud of how you have handled all the challenges.
Most women are not married to psychotherapists, they are married to mechanical engineers, math teachers, firemen, lawyers, and other analytical thinking men. Maybe men are afraid that if they validate feelings, the floodgates will open wide, with an outpouring of inexplicable issues that simply befuddle the male psyche.
But really guys (not that any guys read this blog) would it be that hard to simply look at her with your full attention, say "yes- you are right", and then follow that up a sincere compliment about the job she is doing ?
Validate feelings, compliment, then share your feelings. So simple!
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Toddler Tantrums in the Checkout Line
You are at the checkout line exhausted, anxious to get home, and of course there is a conspiracy among most retailers to strategically place the most eye catching things for a toddler right where you have to stand and wait in the checkout line. You have already filled your cart and don't want to spend any more on things that are not necessary, like the candy ring pop or the finger puppets that bark. But then the screaming starts. You and your child would be better off if you were to remember a few of the basics about common sense parenting. If you decide to by the pretty balloon or the hand puppet or the
eye-catching candy, just remember that you set a precedent, and every
time you reward a tantrum, that cause and effect behavior might become an every shopping day experience.
So what do you do? Here are s few things to keep in mind.
1- Your first concern and loyalty should be to your child - and not to all the other adults who are within earshot. Stop thinking that they are annoyed, and are expecting you to turn off some imaginary switch on the side of your kid's head! A most distressing scene is when the behavior of a parent becomes so much worse than the child's, with verbal or physical abuse. So stay calm. and then mentally move on to the next step.
2- In the bigger picture, children's need are fairly simple, and they are more likely to fall apart when these needs are not met. They need food, love, nurturing, sleep, clean diapers, clothing, a clean healthy environment, & good health. Also, opportunities to expand their knowledge and skills, and positive validation as they progress in their development. Older toddlers also need to begin learning about how to make choices and the associated consequences. ( But that topic will be explored in another article.)
3- So as your child is bawling think about the list just mentioned and mentally do an accounting of how your schedule for the last several hours has interfaced with their needs. Are they tired, hungry, teething, sitting in a wet diaper, did they somehow get their finger pinched and are they in pain? Get down on their level, look at them, talk to them calmly and see what it is they are trying to clue you in on. Can you imagine what it would be like if you could only communicate by crying, laughing, pointing or shaking your head? Give them a kiss and pull out something from your *diaper bag for them to chew on, or distract them. Put your hand on their forehead; do they feel feverish, Look in their eyes, smile at them and whisper in their ear that you love them. That might not solve a thing and they might not stop crying, and if not, continue to stay calm and loving and go on to the next step.
4- If you have totally spaced off the fact that they missed their nap time, and their lunch, and they are wearing the same diaper they had on 4 hours ago....well mama, Get them home as soon as you can and take care of them. Their needs should come before getting all the craft supplies for scrap-booking night or whatever else you are doing. They depend on you for everything, they are resilient, but you can only push things so far. We all have our breaking point but happy is the child who has parents that never forget the stewardship given them when this precious child was first placed in their arms.
*PS. Your diaper bag is your life line: If you plan on being gone for more than 1 hour - have it packed with diapers, wipes, a few toys, teething ring, clean change of clothes, snacks, a ziplock bag for blowouts, soiled clothing etc... leak proof sippy of water, or juice boxes. This one below is stylish and practical.
Big enough to hold phone and wallet also!
So what do you do? Here are s few things to keep in mind.
1- Your first concern and loyalty should be to your child - and not to all the other adults who are within earshot. Stop thinking that they are annoyed, and are expecting you to turn off some imaginary switch on the side of your kid's head! A most distressing scene is when the behavior of a parent becomes so much worse than the child's, with verbal or physical abuse. So stay calm. and then mentally move on to the next step.
2- In the bigger picture, children's need are fairly simple, and they are more likely to fall apart when these needs are not met. They need food, love, nurturing, sleep, clean diapers, clothing, a clean healthy environment, & good health. Also, opportunities to expand their knowledge and skills, and positive validation as they progress in their development. Older toddlers also need to begin learning about how to make choices and the associated consequences. ( But that topic will be explored in another article.)
3- So as your child is bawling think about the list just mentioned and mentally do an accounting of how your schedule for the last several hours has interfaced with their needs. Are they tired, hungry, teething, sitting in a wet diaper, did they somehow get their finger pinched and are they in pain? Get down on their level, look at them, talk to them calmly and see what it is they are trying to clue you in on. Can you imagine what it would be like if you could only communicate by crying, laughing, pointing or shaking your head? Give them a kiss and pull out something from your *diaper bag for them to chew on, or distract them. Put your hand on their forehead; do they feel feverish, Look in their eyes, smile at them and whisper in their ear that you love them. That might not solve a thing and they might not stop crying, and if not, continue to stay calm and loving and go on to the next step.
4- If you have totally spaced off the fact that they missed their nap time, and their lunch, and they are wearing the same diaper they had on 4 hours ago....well mama, Get them home as soon as you can and take care of them. Their needs should come before getting all the craft supplies for scrap-booking night or whatever else you are doing. They depend on you for everything, they are resilient, but you can only push things so far. We all have our breaking point but happy is the child who has parents that never forget the stewardship given them when this precious child was first placed in their arms.
*PS. Your diaper bag is your life line: If you plan on being gone for more than 1 hour - have it packed with diapers, wipes, a few toys, teething ring, clean change of clothes, snacks, a ziplock bag for blowouts, soiled clothing etc... leak proof sippy of water, or juice boxes. This one below is stylish and practical.
Big enough to hold phone and wallet also!
Thursday, November 8, 2012
The any flavor Sour Cream Bundt Cake
This cake has been a family fav. for many years, and the variations are almost endless, as long as you follow the basic combination of ingredients.
1 cake mix
1 box of instant pudding
1 cup of sour cream
4 eggs
1/4 cup cooking oil
3/4 cup water
* extra 2 TB. flour for higher altitudes
This cake can be made with the following variations. For a rich chocolate cake, use the fudge cake mix, chocolate pudding, and for an even more decadent desert add in 3/4 cup semi-sweet choc. chips after putting batter into the pan. (sprinkle them on the top of the batter and then just push them down with a fork.) Frost with choc. buttercream.
For cinnamon swirl, use yellow cake mix with vanilla pudding and layer with cinnamon sugar mixture. Lemon cake is great with lemon pudding, and a great poppy seed almond combo. is good with the yellow or white cake mixes, and almond flavoring. Go crazy with the possibilities!
Prepare pan, with shortening and flour or a cinnamon/sugar combination - Preheat oven to 350 and then beat together all ingredients in mixer - 1 min. on low speed to combine, and then 3 min. on higher speed. Pour into prepared pan and bake for 40-45 min.
1 cake mix
1 box of instant pudding
1 cup of sour cream
4 eggs
1/4 cup cooking oil
3/4 cup water
* extra 2 TB. flour for higher altitudes
This cake can be made with the following variations. For a rich chocolate cake, use the fudge cake mix, chocolate pudding, and for an even more decadent desert add in 3/4 cup semi-sweet choc. chips after putting batter into the pan. (sprinkle them on the top of the batter and then just push them down with a fork.) Frost with choc. buttercream.
For cinnamon swirl, use yellow cake mix with vanilla pudding and layer with cinnamon sugar mixture. Lemon cake is great with lemon pudding, and a great poppy seed almond combo. is good with the yellow or white cake mixes, and almond flavoring. Go crazy with the possibilities!
Prepare pan, with shortening and flour or a cinnamon/sugar combination - Preheat oven to 350 and then beat together all ingredients in mixer - 1 min. on low speed to combine, and then 3 min. on higher speed. Pour into prepared pan and bake for 40-45 min.
So you don't want to do the dishes?
What are the alternatives? Let them stack up to the ceiling? Nana is not so sure that you will feel more motivated at a later time, when the food is stuck like concrete, and there isn't a clean plate to be found.
Here is the goal - A clean wonderful Kitchen
And here are 5 suggestions to keep on top of the work:
1- Rinse and Soak. If you really can't get to them right away, at least rinse off the plates or soak baked on pans in hot soapy water, so when you do get back to the job, the food isn't stuck on like crazy glue. But then get back to the job as soon as you can. Putting things off, only makes them harder.
2- Divide and conquer. So you cooked a wonderful meal for everyone. Is it wrong to expect all who enjoyed that meal, to get up from the table, clean their plate off and put it in the dishwasher? No. Keeping house is a team effort. It is nice when others volunteer without being asked. But for some it just never occurs to them that their help might be needed or appreciated - so ask!
3- Learn to multi-task while in the kitchen. If you can start the cleaning up while you are still cooking, it equals less to do later. Put ingredients away after using, and don't let things accumulate where you are working.
4- Be pro-active in preventing messes before they happen. Keep spray cleaner, rags and paper towels in a convenient location. As a routine, wipe off your childs sticky hands and face with a wet cloth, before getting them down from the high chair. Thus eliminating the trail of cracker crumbs, mashed potatoes and green beans, or whatever else you just fed them.
5 Keep the positive vibes flowing. Once the work is done, look around and appreciate what you have done. Spray a nice air freshener spritzer in the waste bin. Cut flowers from the garden and enjoy the lovely kitchen you just re-claimed. Maybe it won't last long, and maybe no one else will notice, but put on some nice music and enjoy the moment. And remember, maintenance is much easier than moving heaven and earth to face the disaster that results from ignoring the plain fact, that if you eat, there will always be dishes.
Here is the goal - A clean wonderful Kitchen
 | |||
| Notice beautiful live plants, helping clean the air and breaking up the doldrums of winter months! |
1- Rinse and Soak. If you really can't get to them right away, at least rinse off the plates or soak baked on pans in hot soapy water, so when you do get back to the job, the food isn't stuck on like crazy glue. But then get back to the job as soon as you can. Putting things off, only makes them harder.
2- Divide and conquer. So you cooked a wonderful meal for everyone. Is it wrong to expect all who enjoyed that meal, to get up from the table, clean their plate off and put it in the dishwasher? No. Keeping house is a team effort. It is nice when others volunteer without being asked. But for some it just never occurs to them that their help might be needed or appreciated - so ask!
3- Learn to multi-task while in the kitchen. If you can start the cleaning up while you are still cooking, it equals less to do later. Put ingredients away after using, and don't let things accumulate where you are working.
4- Be pro-active in preventing messes before they happen. Keep spray cleaner, rags and paper towels in a convenient location. As a routine, wipe off your childs sticky hands and face with a wet cloth, before getting them down from the high chair. Thus eliminating the trail of cracker crumbs, mashed potatoes and green beans, or whatever else you just fed them.
5 Keep the positive vibes flowing. Once the work is done, look around and appreciate what you have done. Spray a nice air freshener spritzer in the waste bin. Cut flowers from the garden and enjoy the lovely kitchen you just re-claimed. Maybe it won't last long, and maybe no one else will notice, but put on some nice music and enjoy the moment. And remember, maintenance is much easier than moving heaven and earth to face the disaster that results from ignoring the plain fact, that if you eat, there will always be dishes.
Monday, October 1, 2012
A prayer for the day
Nana is not a morning person. Gramps says that I need an extra long runway to get "airborne" for the day.
So I share this with all kindred spirits out there.
"Dear Lord, so far this day I have not lost my temper at anyone. I have not yelled at my children, I haven't scolded my husband or had negative thoughts about the neighbors, who own a really obnoxious dog that barks most of the night. I have not been offended by by mothers manipulative phone calls or been frustrated with the overdraft charges that showed up on my bank statement.
But I'm going to be getting out of bed soon, so I pray dear Lord, that you will help me get through this day with patience and grace. Thanks for another day to live and breath and practice being good...."
So I share this with all kindred spirits out there.
"Dear Lord, so far this day I have not lost my temper at anyone. I have not yelled at my children, I haven't scolded my husband or had negative thoughts about the neighbors, who own a really obnoxious dog that barks most of the night. I have not been offended by by mothers manipulative phone calls or been frustrated with the overdraft charges that showed up on my bank statement.
But I'm going to be getting out of bed soon, so I pray dear Lord, that you will help me get through this day with patience and grace. Thanks for another day to live and breath and practice being good...."
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Friday, September 28, 2012
What about Pintrest?
Hey, welcome to "Just ask Nana". I have resisted joining facebook for a long time now because I value my privacy, and my time, but here are my thoughts on Pintrest. I just joined a week ago, and like facebook, you can also waste a lot of time. However, being a creative person, I love the fact that you can find so many resources at your fingertips, and go back to the site later when you want to check a paint color or a recipe, or get some beautiful new garden ideas. So when I get more time, and become a bit more tech savvy, I plan on putting links to this blog and to Pintrest.
Today Nana is getting ready for a sleepover with grandsons. (It's their Momma's birthday and who knew - she wanted 24 hours away with her wonderful hubby!)
So check in later where I will be posting favorite family recipes and will be adding a link to YouTube for the bedtime stories! Grandps will have to help hold the book, turn the pages and add special sound effects will I do the filming. Great plans are in store for this blog!
Love you all and bye for now.
Today Nana is getting ready for a sleepover with grandsons. (It's their Momma's birthday and who knew - she wanted 24 hours away with her wonderful hubby!)
So check in later where I will be posting favorite family recipes and will be adding a link to YouTube for the bedtime stories! Grandps will have to help hold the book, turn the pages and add special sound effects will I do the filming. Great plans are in store for this blog!
Love you all and bye for now.
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